The authors of Crucial Conversations and Influencer: The New Science of Leading Change have made it easier to leaders to establish plans, create goals, and anticipate the needs, pushback and emotional responses of their teams. Once common thread the authors of Influencers, Crucial Conversations, and The 4 Disciplines of Execution are easy to follow steps. Who doesn't love a set of good bulleted steps!?
Principle One: Start with Heart
Remember your goal when communicating. Don't allow your emotions to take control and lose sight of your set goals. Things to avoid:
• Winning the argument or proving ourselves rights;
• Punishing the other person for making us feel embarrassed, disrespected, hurt; and/or
• Avoiding conflict.
Principle Two: Learn to Look
Be aware. Does it appear that anyone involved has tuned out or has reached a point where they are no lon
ger able to hear you?
Principle Three: Make it Safe
Assess the environment and look for social queues that the individuals involved may feel unsafe. Take time to reset the focus, re-establish safety for everyone involved and continue once everyone has settled.
Principle Four: Master your Stories
This one is simple- check your emotions. Sometimes people share stories that will trigger an emotional response. Try to manage these responses as best you can. You don't want your emotions to take center stage and your points shift to the background.
Principle Five: State your Path
Now it's time to use the power of persuasion. Use the STATE acronym to guide you.
Share your Facts
Tell your Story
Ask for Others' Paths
Talk Tentatively
Encourage Testing
Principle Six: Explore Others' Path
Principle six requ
ires you to be flexible in your thinking and try to see things for someone else's perspective.
Principle Seven: Move to Action
Don't allow all your hard work to go to waste. It's time to put the words of your conversation to action! It's time to execute and follow up.
Friedman's Theory of Differentiated Leadership
Since leaving the service industry at 24 years old and entering corporate america, I 've had three "bosses" or leaders. Sandra, Michelle and Shaunte. It wasn't until Shaunte that noticed a difference in workplace culture, environment, communication, and overall leadership. For the first time I was working with a leader who acknowledged that her employees or in this case, teachers, were humans, and not machines to be worked and or just execute tasks. She was honest, transparent, gimmick free, and not a gatekeeper. Shaunte or as we call her, Dr. Morris, is not only a leader I aspire to be like but one I am proud to work for. Everything she is aligns with what Friedman refers to as a differentiated leader. Some leaders think that they have to know all and be all, but an effective leader, like Dr. Morris, understands the goal and how to achieve it- with her team!
My goals as a self differentiated leader are to create calm, effective delegate and understand my position as the leader. Leaders are the eyes and must lead from the front. And in order for them to do that, they must trust that the people in the middle and rear are working just as hard to keep the plan or project moving forward. As I think about how this skill will help me with my innovation plan, I think back to my first thoughts of building a website I would update consistently. As a design I have built website before but it's usually a one and done, seldom do I have to visit the site daily and build new pages or make new posts. I felt that anxious and "pre-stress" building in my mind and I know my students will feel something similar. My goal is to bring confront, assurance and calm to the project while leading them to the finish line.
References ACU Online. (2010, November 10). Friedman’s Theory of Differentiated Leadership Made Simple. Www.youtube.com. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgdcljNV-Ew&t=14s
Landez, H. (2021, May 15). Crucial conversations and steps to becoming a self-differentiated leader with purpose. https://hollytech.org/2021/05/15/crucial/
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., Mcmillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2012). Crucial conversations : Tools for talking when stakes are high (3rd ed.). Mcgraw-Hill Education.
Readingraphics. (2017, January 30). Book summary - crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high. Readingraphics. https://readingraphics.com/book-summary-crucial-conversations/
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